‘If it were not for my fitness levels and the great medical care I received, who knows where I would be today.’
My name is Bernard. I was 50 earlier this year. I live in Aberdeenshire with my wife of three years, Susan.
I have been a lifelong athlete and cyclist but have been concentrating primarily on cycling since moving up to Scotland in December 2012, and even more so after my experience of sepsis. Cycling played a massive role in saving my life.
I am not a competitive cyclist but I do take my training regime seriously. I look at it as a fitness bank account that I need to continuously top up, to make sure that its ready and available when called upon. I totally exhausted it with sepsis, so my drive to stay strong fit and healthy is immense, along with my love and gratitude and desire to spend time with my family and friends. Sepsis has a way of segregating what is important and necessary in your life and showing you what is really fool’s gold. How fragile we are.
It started in January 2020 as a common cold which caused my asthma to flare up and terrible coughing. After a few days of bed rest, I consulted the GP who gave me steroids to clear my chest. Two days later I was back at the GP with high fever and rigours. I don’t remember much of the conversation with the GP at the time, most of it was a haze. But the following evening I do recall the doctor-on-call in front of my bed at home telling the ambulance crew to blue light me to hospital. What they said to me was, ‘Mr Crossley, you are very ill and we need to get you to hospital ASAP. There is no time to waste now’. I was diagnosed with a chest infection and pneumonia, along with a bacterial infection. I presume the on-call doctor that came out that evening spotted the symptoms, hence the urgency to get me to hospital.
I was not really aware of any of this at the time – I was too delirious – and was only told that I had had sepsis once I came out of my induced coma a week later.
I think my family’s reaction was one of shock and concern and a feeling of anxiety as to whether I was going to make it or not…preparing for the worst, I guess.
I was taken to Aberdeen Royal Infirmary where I was admitted first to the ICU and then HDU. I spent just over two weeks in hospital (lucky compared to some). Once I was discharged I had regular check-ups with the doctor and nurse, followed by weekly phone appointments with my GP from home. Those continuous consultations with the GP are still ongoing.
Bed rest and medication from the hospital helped during my treatment and recovery, and slowly introducing self-induced activity. I developed and introduced a 7-step plan into my daily life to get myself where I needed to be. It includes the following points:
- Accept the reality
- Have a realistic goal
- Stay motivated
- Never give up
- Have the correct mindset
- Remember it is not a race
- Embrace the process and enjoy the reward
You can read more on my website here
When I was first diagnosed, I felt anger and disappointment that I had let myself and my loved ones down, and that I had allowed myself to get in the situation I was in – it should never have happened, I thought. At the same time I was relieved and grateful to have another chance to rectify this lapse in self-care. I still blame myself for what happened but I am extremely driven to make the most of my life and my body and to be the best version of myself after the onslaught of sepsis on my family and friends.
Reading inspirational stories of sepsis survivors on Sepsis Research FEAT’s website has encouraged me to stay driven and stick to my plan, and it helps to know that the charity’s research has a positive effect.
I hope that other survivors can read my story and that they might be able to gain some sort of inspiration – as I did – to kickstart the drive to recovery. I also like the fact that the website contains invaluable information about symptoms, time frames, effects and recovery that could be valuable in research. Sepsis is such a grey area when it comes to recovery and long-term effects, some of which I suffer from.
It’s taken me a long time to talk about my story openly. As I said before I have a website I recently set up where I talk about my struggle and the plan for recovery that has been so influential in my life.
I would encourage other sepsis survivors to accept the reality of your situation and set a realistic goal that aligns with your capabilities. Motivate yourself consistently, and never give up, regardless! Cultivate a positive mindset and remind yourself recovery is not a race. Embrace the process and enjoy the rewards.
Charity comment:
Bernard credits his fitness and medical care with saving his life during the severe case of sepsis that he expereinced. As he rightly observes towards the end of his story, ‘sepsis is such a grey area’. Not enough is still known about how other underlying factors might affect an individual’s susceptibility to sepsis and their recovery from it. Whilst Bernard clearly looked to himself for answers, the fact is that sepsis currently appears to pose a significant risk to any of us at any time, irrespective of the measures we have taken beforehand. Genetic research such as the GenOMICC study at the University of Edinburgh is looking at the multiple factors at play during sepsis and promises to be invaluable to a better understanding in future.
Bernard’s drive to set realistic goals for his recovery, to stay motivated and to embrace the recovery process, whilst also acknowledging the long-term effects of sepsis, is not unlike that of another of the charity’s supporters – Al Sylvester MBE. You can read Al’s story on the charity’s website here.